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Taylor Swift Now Dating Senator Joseph McCarthyĤ8. Bush Determined To Find Warehouse Where Ark of Covenant Is StoredĤ7. Rest of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans StarvingĤ5. Shell Executives Accuse Oil-Covered Otter Of Playing It UpĤ4. Soulmate Dropped For New, Better SoulmateĤ2. Hate Crime Bill Stalled By Pro-Hate LobbyĤ1. Field Trip Mishap Fulfils Child’s Wish To Be Oscar Meyer WeinerĤ0. Bleary-Eyed Cosmopolitan Staffer Cranks Out 10 Billionth Way to Bring Out the Animal In Your Manģ9. Lance Armstrong Wants To Tell Nation Something But Nation Has To Promise Not To Get Madģ8. National Funk Congress Deadlocked On Get Up/Get Down Issueģ7. Bush Refuses To Set Timetable For Withdrawal Of Head From White House Banisterģ6. Supreme Court Rules Supreme Court Rulesģ5. Kitten Thinks of Nothing But Murder All Dayģ4. God Angrily Clarifies ‘Don’t Kill’ Ruleģ3. Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Againģ1. Study: 72 Percent Of High-Fives UnwarrantedĢ9. Gay Teen Worried He Might Be ChristianĢ8. ACLU Defends Nazi’s Right To Burn Down ACLU HeadquartersĢ7. Man Prone To Lying Beds Woman Prone To Lying ProneĢ6. Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over’Ģ5. Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New ‘Intelligent Falling’ TheoryĢ4. Scientists Trace Heat Wave To Massive Star At Center Of Solar SystemĢ3. Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To BeĢ2. Ghost Of Christmas Future Taunts Children With Images Of Playstation 5Ģ1. World Death Rate Holding Steady at 100 Percentġ9. Powerful ‘His And Hers’ Towel Lobby Stalls Gay Marriage Legislationġ8. Garage Band Actually Believes There Is A ‘Terre Haute’ Soundġ7. Standard Deviation Not Enough For Perverted Statisticianġ6. North Korea Celebrates As Kim Jong-Un Becomes First Man To Walk On Moonġ5. Clinton Deploys Vowels To Bosnia Cities Of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipientsġ4. ‘I Am Under 18’ Button Clicked For First Time In History Of Internetġ2. Dolphin Spends Amazing Vacation Swimming With Stockbrokerġ1. Sub-Orbital Ballistic Propulsion Engineer ‘Not Exactly A Rocket Scientist’ġ0. Expert On Anteaters Wasted Entire Life Studying Anteatersĩ. Christian Rock Band Cleans Up Hotel RoomĨ. Archeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race Of Skeleton Peopleħ. Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off on TechnicalityĦ.
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Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequencesĥ. CIA Realizes It’s Been Using Black Highlighters All These YearsĤ.
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Winner Didn’t Even Know It Was Pie-Eating Contestģ. Children, Creepy Middle-Aged Weirdos Swept Up in Harry Potter CrazeĢ. Of course, this being a Why Not Books blog, we’ll start with a publishing parody (and end with another):ġ. So I’ve taken it upon myself to gather 85 of the best ones. Start touring “The Onion” headlines from over the years, and you’ll soon realize that it’s a hard habit to break. And there’s no better example of that combination than “ The Onion,” which in 2013 celebrated 25 years of laconic lampooning. If you can combine the two-the succinct and the satirical-well, then you can strike literary gold. And, of course, as Twain so brilliantly exemplified, satire is, too. So headline writing can be a bit of an art form. Walk into any bathroom on any floor of the museum There you’ll find tiles embedded in the walls that reveal failed headlines from history, headlines like BABIES ARE WHAT THE MOTHER EATS and RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE. What’s that you say? How hard could it be? Well, simply take a trip to the Newseum in Washington, D.C., a remarkable museum devoted to celebrating the First Amendment. With that in mind, it’s time to celebrate a form of writing that isn’t often championed-headline writing. It makes you chuckle and ponder at the same time. This was typical Twain because it was both pithy and profound. Another genius wordsmith, Mark Twain, once admitted, ‘I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.” Which, as any writer knows, has a kernel of truth to it. William Shakespeare claimed, “Brevity is the soul of wit”-a self-supporting line if ever there was one.